Am I going bonkers?
Am I going bonkers? I am 31, single and I don't believe in relationships anymore.
The other day, I had a lunchtime conversation with a friend and the topic was knowing what you know today, what would you do differently in your 20s?
Without hesitation, I said I would put less emphasis on having a girlfriend. That's right. I would delay finding myself a steady and see how long I could keep that up.
But why would anyone want to do that?
I dunno. But I have been having these weird ideas in my head lately. Ideas that say marriage is the only real solution and that sex is best done within its confines and that perhaps delayed gratification is not such a bad thing after all.
Ideas that suggest maybe what I want for myself is to stay single and commit only when the right person comes along. Commit, as in marry. No long-drawn courtships, no trying out different girlfriends, nothing.
Ideas that say maybe, instead of excitement, what I want for myself is peace of mind and stability.
OMG, I've become a boring person. How did it get to this?
I'm not sure. But I do remember years ago when I got divorced, one of the things I set out wanting to understand was the intricacies of the relationship between man and woman.
Why, for example, does God prohibit free mingling between the sexes?
I prayed. I read. I reflected and I spoke to like-minded friends.
My education is by no means complete but these are what I have learnt:
1. Words of love are not to be thrown around freely.
2. The nights that you spend with that special person before marriage are better off spent after marriage.
3. There is no such thing as only one person is right for you.
4. We are put on this Earth for a purpose and, compared to that bigger purpose, 'love' is way insignificant.
Which is why, when I look at today's young couples, I tell myself this is not for me.
So yes, if I were in my 20s, I would postpone having a girlfriend.
posted by Ridzwan A. Rahim @ 6:17 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Hey babe
No, you're not going bonkers. I guess, it's just a sign of maturity! Hahah.. :p
Well anyway, sebenarnya, I pun dulu jaded jugak pasal love and relationships ni. But my recent trip to Taj Mahal changed it all.
Yes, now, I do believe in love. I do believe in the power of love. When you love someone so much, you will give your all for him/her. You sacrifce. You give, and not expecting anything in return. You love - unconditionally.
If you asked what I'd do differently in my 20s, I'd say -- nothing kot. I have enjoyed all my relationships, albeit the pain and the endless tears.
I think, I've learned from each and every one of those (failed) relationships. It made me tougher - though not necessarily wiser. Heheh.
So if I could live my life again, I'd do exactly what I did - fell stupidly in love with a married man, spent most of my "young adult" life dating the wrong guys - not of the same religion, younger, monetarily challenged (heheh), etc.
Having done all that, now I'm just waiting for the right guy to marry me. You see, all these years, and in all my previous relationships, it has always been me who has given more. I think, I'm tired of trying to please, trying to make things work. Now, I am waiting for a guy who would love me and do stuff for me. I'm waiting for my Shahjahan, who would love me, unconditionally.
Sounds like a tall order kan.. but if God wills it to happen, it will happen. Otherwise, I have no regrets as I have felt so loved and so pampered before. And I have been in love once or twice and I can say that it was among the happiest moments of my life, even though it didn't last too long.. :p
Oh, back to your question why God prohibits free mingling of the opposite sex - well, I guess, when you know too much and you experience too much, then the expectations would be higher. For instance, if a girl has had the best sex, seen a much bigger and nicer male genital, and then end up marrying someone who doesn't quite have the right size (or worse still, don't know how to use his tool), then it's a pity for the guy kan, sebab obviously she will be comparing him to her other sexual encounters.
I mean, making comparisons is definitely not a fair thing to do, but sometimes, you don't have control over the mind. It will think what it wants to think and it will compare what it wants to compare, kan?
Oh well, just my RM1 worth on love.. :)
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