Monday, October 30, 2006

Golden rule to live by

There’s this man who has a chicken for pet. The chicken’s name is Ali (it’s a male, you see).

One day the man and Ali go into the jungle. Unfortunately, they lose their way.

It soon gets dark and they need a place to spend the night. They find a cave but it’s known to be a bear hideout.

The man asks Ali, “What do you think, Ali? Should we have a one-night stand inside this cave?” Ali answers, “Yes, I think we should.”

The duo are duly eaten by the bear.

Moral of the story: If you let your cock do the thinking, it probably won’t be a good decision.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Of cicak and birthday

Here's something that I wrote three years ago on my 27th birthday. I wrote it and then sent it to a bunch of friends and forgot all about it and then found it again just now on the Internet.

Btw, for the benefit of foreigners reading this, cicak is gecko in Bahasa.

I want to tell you abt what happened on the morning of my birthday, which is today.
This morning i closed the gate. Not that it was my first time closing a gate, but this gate, our house gate is the sliding type and is quite heavy. It's rather difficult to push and when you do succeed, the momentum is quite substantial.

Anyway, as I was closing the gate, I heard a small shriek. Like "eek!"

It was a cicak. It was hiding at the edge of the gate and didn't manage to escpe in time when I slammed the gate shut. It got cut in two.

I went "shit!" I just killed somebody on my birthday. Mmg la it was just a cicak but you have to understand that I'm not the type who kills animals except the occassional mosquitoes. Itupun kalau those mosquitoes tak beredar lepas diberi amaran sebanyak tiga kali supaya membatalkan perhimpunan.

The cicak had its innards becoming 'outtards' and gooey stuff was sticking to the gate. The front half of the cicak tried to climb away but couldn't bcos its limp body was sticking to the gate in halves bcos of gooey stuff (the back half wasnt moving). It could only wave its hands around.
I thought this is horrible! I wanted to give it CPR but i was afraid that thing might go straight into my mouth. So I went straight into the house instead while trying to delete this particular image from my head like what you are probably trying to do now.

It didn't end there. Half an hour later I came back to check on the cicak again. to my horror, it was still breathing! I could see the lungs moving bcos they were exposed. The cicak was going through a slow, excruciating death and by now the image of the dying cicak is already pressed indelibly within my subconscious.

Abt an hour later when I was pretty sure it had died, jenazahnya dikebumikan di dlm tong sampah berdekatan. I wonder how many cicaks at my house died that way.

Happy Birthday to me.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Plenty of things to be happy about

Plenty of things to be happy about over the last weekend:

1. Michael Schumacher blew his engine at the Japanese GP.

2. Alex Yoong and Team A1GP Malaysia won both the sprint race and the feature race at Brno circuit in the Czech Republic.

3. TV2 showed "You've Got Mail" on Saturday and I'm a sucker for Meg Ryan movies.

Maybe you've seen "You've Got Mail". It's about online dating, set at a time when all of us were still dialing our ISP using a 56K modem (remember that sound?). Meg Ryan was using a Mac and Tom Hanks, the 'bad guy' is shown using a Windows PC but that's beside the point. The point of the story is this: some stranger you pass on the street may already be the love of your life. You just don't notice her. Maybe becos she's not using a Mac.

This is not something you just see in movies. People really do meet online, and fall in love and get married and have kids. Except that maybe they don't look as good as or they're not as rich as or as witty as Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the movie.

I don't know what you think of Meg Ryan, but I like all her movies. The ones that I've seen anyway -- "You've Got Mail", "Sleepless In Seattle", "Addicted To Love", "When Harry Met Sally". I even like "In The Cut" but that's for a different reason. >:)

Actually there's one more thing that I can add to the list of things to be happy about over the weekend:

4. I turned 30 on Saturday and I can tell you, it's a very exciting time of my life.